Sunday 6 March 2011: Gorse, and here's why...
This week was my nadir. The week I threw my toys out of the pram and sobbed like a sobby thing on a sobby day. But today, on my walk, I finally figured it! In a nutshell, longstanding relationship with person had A merged in a very messy way with person B which had ended up merging in a messy way with person C which was on the verge of merging into a mess with person A again. But, today's realisation that relationship A was categorically over and that the relationship C was now in it's own right also messy and over meant that the messy circle of messy relationships was broken. In fact, there is now no relationship at all and suddenly everything seems clear and simple. This is not to say I don't still feel guilt or shame or sadness about A or B or C (some, more or fewer of whom may read this) and I humbly apologise for any hurt or pain I've put those good people through, but I am going to stand up for myself and argue that I was probably never going to be any good in those relationships until I had reached this point.
So, from here on, with a clean sheet, with Spring and the sailing season just around the corner, I'm hoping for better times.
And the gorse? Well, as I was on my walk I could smell it (you couldn't - your loss - but to those of you who know the smell you'll know what I mean) and it made me hungry. So, having written and posted this, I'm going to have a cup of tea and a biscuit - a digestive of course!
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me
And I'm feeling good
[I was singing the Muse version - you can sing whichever version you choose]