Searching for the past

Just few years ago I thought the life was about pleasing other people, being "normal" and doing decisions by following the common teenage opinions. I thought I could success with being a "normal" teenager, but I thwarted it all once by being an idiot; I didn't understand that some people really don't care about anything, and that they enjoy laughing and gossiping behind someone's back. I realized I don't want to be that "normal".

One thing leads to another as time goes by and I chose to not be just another timorous being, who people saw only when being bored or in need of laughter. "How disgusting", I thought.

Later I've studied about reason-result relations, logic, probability, coincidences and other stuff. That's helped me to understand why some things happen and why the others not. However, the gulf between what I know and what I wish has become wider than I want it to be. I see that the things that once mattered are sailing afar in the mist now, because equations, functions and logical reasoning have captured space from what I once knew and thought I'll never forget. I think I've replaced the memories I don't want to remember with a strict mechanical machinery that doesn't pay attention to them.

The capacity of human mind is limited. Things must be processed before they can be forgotten forever. Until that, they'll continue their sailing and pop out when you least expect it.

But then, when they've become processed, they can be forgotten.