Saturday 12 March 2011: Gnawed
The paragraph in that lease you signed which said 'no pets under any circumstances' did include the fluffy overgrown rodent you appear to have allowed to eat every cable, door, skirting board and piece of carpet in our flat.
The paragraph which asked you not to redecorate did include your lame efforts to cover up the aforementioned damage with lashings of badly applied gloss paint.
And the paragraph which required you to leave a forwarding address before departing was there so I knew where to send the bill for making everything right again. Now your bill will include the time my lawyers will have to spend tracking you down.
We spent an awful lot of our spare time making our lovely flat warm and welcoming before you moved in, but we're not angry. We're just very, very disappointed.