Monday 14 March 2011: When the house goes quiet...
381/365: ... and my head becomes empty. All that's left is the safe flower blip.
Funny kinda day. Left the house about half past eight to drive down to Gloucestershire to visit my mum. Got there about 2 and a half hours later. Had a full day of walking, chatting, eating, chatting, visiting the garden centre... left about half past 6... another 2 and a half hour drive and I'm home.
And Felix is still up. And I just want to sit down for a bit because my head is spinning and I'm shattered. And he won't go to bed. And it all ends up being my fault that he's up. And I put him to bed. And now he's sleeping. And I feel guilty about going to spend the day with mum. And I realise that when I have three hours of commuting a day, I am going to have to find a way to carry on doing as much as I can at home because otherwise I'm letting everyone down. And I need to keep on taking on other bits of work to keep the family afloat. And I feel the panic rise. And my head empties.
And I'm blipping a flower because it's safe and I got a weird reaction to yesterday's blip. And it feels that only safe is okay. And I just don't know what to think about that.
And I feel tired and flat and can't be arsed with any of it.
PS And I'm starting as many sentences with 'and' as possible
PPS And I don't care.