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Monday 11 April 2011: Do I, or don't I?

Creating another life ... It's not just as simple as stopping the pill, or is it?

When I had Clara, after that 26 hour labour I swore I didn't want to go through that again. She was perfect though, fed beautifully, co-slept with me, didn't crawl or walk until later ...

If Storm had been my first, I probably wouldn't have had another, although she was a fast labour, under 4 hours, she was a tricky baby and sometimes still is. I'm wondering if she's suffering hay fever as she's had a clear runny nose, coughing and absolutely restless for a couple of weeks now. She just wants to be with me - which I love, but it would have been so much easier if I had these trouble with my first.

Which brings me onto a third? I'm not sure whether I do or don't want a third. My mind is set to - if I have a third I can put right what went wrong with Storm - but that's not why I should be wanting a baby! Storm is fine, and very happy, but I feel cheated because I didn't manage to feed her for long - given that I'd fed her sister twice as long.

I'm not broody when I see other babies, but I still love baby things and tiny clothes ...

It can't happen now, it's just one of those things that I have on my mind right before I want to sleep!! Grrr! We have a wedding to arrange first - we managed to sort the honeymoon this evening! An adventure holiday in the UK, Stonehenge, then GoApe, then Snowdonia ... Can't wait! :)

I've just realised that my only problem with Storm was the feeding. The nights and her crying never bothered me, it was all about the feeding. Wow, shows how writing can help, now I have to convince myself that I actually did do my best for her ... Hmm.

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