Ode to Broken Umbrella:

Oh broken umbrella, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault that people have unrealistic expectations of you.

I mean really....c'mon.....if it's windy as all hell who in their right mind is trying to use what is effectively a parachute to keep dry?
The rain is coming from all angles and yet people expect a 3 foot wide piece of nylon framed by thin pieces of aluminium to ward off the wetness.
It's Scotland. Buy a damn waterproof jacket. There's no sense in looking like a fool trying to fight the wind. Just fold it and put it away.

But beyond it all.....don't @!&%ing litter!