Bad picture ...

I realise that there are tough things going on in the world ... Tomorrow is the 2nd angelversary of my friends son. He should be 4 now, a cheeky little 4 year old ...

So I really don't have room to complain, do I? I've got two amazing girls, a wonderful hubby to be and great friends ...

Why do I feel as though everything and everyone is against me? In a nutshell, I see all my friends talking to eachother, commenting on eachothers photos, boosting eachothers egos and telling eachother how fantastic they are, meanwhile, I feel as though I am an outsider to a group I was once integral to. For a bunch of ladies who are supposed to be pretty close, I feel pretty much alienated. I tried talking about it before and was outcast from the group. I've apologised and tried but it's not the same. We're linked because of our children, my friends son was one of them.

I think I know what the problem is, but it seems to wrong, unfair for this to be put into question, I believe that people think that I shouldn't be fighting this fight, that it wasn't *my* child, I shouldn't be so involved. Thats what I think. I am involved because I want to be, because it tears me up that we worry about stupid things when there is so much more to life. I worry because it could be one of my children. Because it could be. I have no way of knowing either way. So am I so wrong to be passionate about a cause? Is it wrong that I talk about it, constantly? Surely for the lady who announced that her friends son has just been diagnosed, and I've passed on details of someone who can help, an email more than just "I've passed on the details", would be been appropriate. A thank you, perhaps?

I want to be happy as I cannot stand feeling in turmoil, wondering what I've said or done? What I said all that time ago, it wasn't even bad, but I guess, people really - when it comes down to it - really don't like honesty. It wasn't even brutal honesty, and behind the scenes, some of those who are funny with me now actually agreed with me back then.

I need to step away, stand back and take stock of what's important. Perhaps it's time for me to flee this flock. I clearly don't belong there anymore.

Thank goodness I have my two, non-judgemental, ever-loving, beautiful girls ...