Sunday 12 June 2011: Huddle up...
471/365: ... because for the rest of the day, it's going to seem as if the heavens sprang a leak and you will freeze your little feathers off.
The theme of today is rain.
Rain, rain, rain and more rain.
Oh, and cold too.
** please ignore the following bit, it's me blathering to myself so that in the future I'll look back and hopefully see this as a piece in a jigsaw puzzle that ended up making sense **
Am struggling with a bit of crushed ego, if I'm honest. Six months ago, it wasn't unusual for every one of my blips to get over 60 or 70 comments. Yesterday's struggled to get 16. The difference between now and then? I just cannot comment as much as I used to be able to. And what I arrogantly had thought was nice people commenting on photos / writing that was of an okay standard, turned out to be nice people reciprocating the comments I'd left for them. It wasn't that my pictures / words were any good at all. I suppose you could also say that my images haven't been much cop lately - and I know that they have been kinda dull... but, it's hard when you feel that you've set yourself a standard and fail to meet it. And even harder when you realise it wasn't a standard at all, but an act of lovely people returning a comment I'd left for them.
I feel a bit disappointed in myself. I've tried and tried to not care about the diminishing comments - after all, I don't have time to comment myself so who am I to expect that of others? But above all, I'm disappointed that I'd got myself sucked into thinking that I could take shots which people liked to comment on regardless. Talk about self-obsessed and arrogant. Pathetic.
What is it that makes me want to take a photo every day? If I could set my journal to private and just record things for my own purposes... would I? Or is it for my ego to be stroked? The latter isn't a good place to be, is it? I suppose the fact that my diminishing level of involvement mirrors some other parts of my life is why it really bothers me. Family relationships which were strong and have slipped away. Commitments which get only minimal attention. I used to be the one who would give over and above what was needed in every aspect... and I just can't do it anymore. What *is* the matter with me?
** end of the bit to be ignored **
So. A quick summary for my records only.
Spot of weeding
Pancakes for kiddie brekkie
Started to rain
Wet garden centre visit
Saw cute chicks
French beans, cauliflowers and carrots
Coats and wellies
On for a rainy walk
Just cuz he had old boots
We ignored him
He got over it
Wet but fun out
Home to a film
Veggie chilli for tea
Clean plates all round
Another day done.
PS I over-analyse things
PPS ... and I need to chill out
PPPS ... and I will give myself a stern talking to about the whole egomania thing.
PPPPS It isn't attractive in the slightest!