Thursday 7 July 2011: Dreams / nightmares
I always have had very strong dreams .. This one particularly disturbed me last night.
"I'm upstairs, in my Mums house, just as I am now, doing the daily work reports. Clara is, as she is now, watching a movie whilst I work and Storm is napping in the next room. I hear some noise out the front so sneak a peek and see a couple talking amongst themselves, he is trying to hold her back, talk sense into her, I know who they are, my ex and his new wife. She calms and they appear to walk away so I get back to work. Suddenly I hear a crash through the living room window and some more shouting, even worse, a scream, a sickening, stomach churning, blood curdling scream "Mummy, Mummy, help me!", I run out my room, I smell smoke, I grab Storm out of bed and run through to the back garden, safely strapped into her trike, I run back into the house, I can still hear screaming but the fire is between me and her, I can't get into the living room ... I know if I run in, I'll be burned, I know if I smash the patio window I might cause a backdraft and can't explain for her to get out of the way, I stand by the patio, face to face with my baby ... "
I wake up. I can't stand these dreams. I've felt all that pain in one night and this type of pain stays with me, haunts me all day long. I keep an extra eye on my girls, especially Clara. I give her extra treats and big hugs so she knows that I love her so very much.
Sorry for a depressing write up, I have these dreams and really should keep a dream diary - hey, I could just open another blip account!
The blip is our temporary wardrobe, the girls section.