Tuesday 6 May 2008: This is the end.

I've spent 9 months on an art concentration for my AP portfolio. It was about a boy. I don't really know how else to describe it.

Today was the last day I could work on it. I took everything down from my walls. Handed in my portfolio. Got it photographed.

My heart feels about as bare as my now empty room. It was once filled with charcoal studies, drawn ever so discretely from across class to the monotonous drone of my English teacher's lectures. Scores of papers, taped above my bed, examining every angle, every crease in his furrowed brow, every loose strand of hair...

I jokingly mentioned to him that this 9 month creation was like my baby. It wasn't actually much of a joke though. I felt something in my soul and from it, created life with my own hands...I raised him, I cared for him, I became frustrated with him, I fell in love with him a thousand times over. I shared with him periods of drawn out despair and weakness, but they were all made worthwhile by the rare, ephemeral moments of triumph and strength. Now...he has grown up. It is time to see him off and let him fly away. There is no excuse for me to keep holding on. Everything is telling me it is time to let go. It has been long enough.

But I am still not ready.

I expected to feel relieved when I was finally done. It was a very difficult task for me to carry out, and I have been waiting so long to finish.

But now there is nothing left but a blank canvas and nothing inside me to fill it with.


Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival,
My hand between your knees
You turned from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs,
The parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing, my dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer,
A boy and girl,
An angel kissin' on a sinner,
A monkey and a man,
A marching band,
All around the frightened trapeze swinger
-Iron and Wine

P.S. -Late blip last night.

• EX-S600:
• f/2.7:
• 1/125":
• 6.2mm

• viewed 311 times :
• 4 comments

• about Eponine