Monday 2 June 2008: Not a life preserver

Me: "Do you sell armbands?"

Swimming pool attendant: "Yes."

"Could I have a pair for her? She's one and a half."

"OK. We recommend the ones for two years and up, because they have double bands."

"Well, if they fit I guess that's fine."

"Oh yes - they'll fit no problem."

I try to get one of Bella's arms through the armband designed for 2-8 year olds to find that her hand barely reaches through to the other side and there's absolutely no chance of her bending her elbow. She looks like a strange orange-winged bird I vaguely remember reading about in The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test.

"Excuse me, these don't fit. Do you have a smaller size?"

"There are some for 0-2 year olds, but we do recommend the 2 years and up ones." Asks swimming instructor: "We do recommend the 2 years and up, don't we?"

Swimming instructor: "How old is she?"

"One and a half."

"No - she needs the wee ones."

• Canon PowerShot G9:
• f/3.2:
• 1/25":
• 14.8mm:
• ISO 80

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