5

I got home at 4:40 am from work, and I couldn't sleep so I just started my day from there. Of course there was Lydia and a breakfast bagel involved, then a nap, then studied some Arabic. Then some more Lyida and dinner and Coldstone and Target.
I went to a MILL City Church meeting tonight, thank God Dylan wasn't there. I want to be apart of that community. I say that then go home and delete a bunch of people from my friends on facebook who are apart of that church...haha...oh goodness.

I get in these moods where I just want to do something ridiculous. I don't think, I act. That's where my fault lies. The thinking comes at 3 am when i'm laying in a strangers bed naked. So its late in the evening, and my lonliness is gaining momentum. I go over Kyle's fully aware of what was to come, with tooth brush and hairbrush in my purse. He gave me some Scotch, and I drank the foul stuff just so I can feel. We were on the couch watching some stupid comedy show, and his hand slowly finds its way down my shirt. I let it happen. I keep sipping and grimacing every time it slides down my throat. We head up to the bedroom, and soon enough we do it. We talked, then snuggled, then fucked again, then fell asleep. It always comes after the fact, but I just wanted to go home. To take a shower and fall asleep with a sense of purity left. Too late.

As I collect myself in the morning to leave I notice a spiritual attention grabbing flyer from a church I used to go to in town saying something like "Need to change your life? God can help". Funny God, very funny.

And now the total is 5.