Monday 26 December 2011: More sprouts anyone?

Well the excesses of Christmas Day are over for another year, and it all went smoothly; no fights, lovely meal cooked by the kids under my occasional supervision (all I personally did was put the turkey in the oven and make the mulled wine), and lots of chilling out and being looked after. Santa seemed to bring everyone something they liked; the prize for the most delighted face went to #2 son who got a ukulele, and serenaded us during the meal. It felt quite weird sitting there with all my kids around me (and as mentioned, not fighting - can't emphasise that enough).

As Christmas approached this year I got an increasingly strong feeling that I shouldn't be here. Maybe I didn't recover consciousness in August and all this is a comatose dream? Although I go through the motions I am aware all the time that I'm on the outside looking in, with someone else at the controls. Sitting silently eating Christmas dinner and watching all the banter and interaction I felt like a ghost at the table, watching but not really there, just sort of blank, not happy or sad. I guess that's all part of the recovery process, and everyone says I'm doing brilliantly, though maybe it will take longer than they think.

In the evening #1 daughter, who had gone over to her boyfriend's for Boxing Day, sent a text saying they are lucky to have Mum with them this year after all that's happened. She put a similar message on Facebook for all her friends and relatives to see. I think I'm the lucky one to have such great kids.

• Canon PowerShot S90:
• f/4.5:
• 1/30":
• 6.0mm:
• ISO 800

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