Friday 3 February 2012: A Is For ... Apple And Cheese
So there I was last night in Tesco buying props for my first Alphabet Challenge blip today.
I pulled up in the car park, and realised the front of the shop was surrounded by police cars. All a bit exciting, and left me wondering what the hell was going on. So I wandered down to the assembled masses rubber necking.
I managed to collar a reporter from the South Wales Echo, and I asked him what was the story here ...
"Well", he said. "There's been a double murder..."
Flipping heck! This is not the kind of thing that normally goes on in this sleepy end of South Wales.
"It seems that it was one of those love triangle stroke trysts." continued the hack. "From what I can gather, the chap you can see putting in the back of the police car there is a hired hit man."
"From my sources I have found out a few things." He continued.
"It seems the recently deceased woman's husband caught her with her lover, but she didn't know. The husband was distraught, and went straight to the pub. He ended up talking to the painter and decorator Arty, from Dark Arts (No deed to dirty to be done). He told him that Dark Arts is a front for his real business, and that was a hired hit man, and he would sort out the problem for him, but it would cost him."
"Now in these times of austerity even hit men have to economise it seems. The poor chap couldn't afford a simple, clean kill by a bullet. Nor, was poisoning an option, as the chap wanted the job done quick and tonight. So apparently Art said he would strangle them both with his bare hands for a quid, and as the chap was so distraught, he would do they both of them in for the same pound."
"By the time Arty had gone to the house, the wife and her lover had come here to get some post romp snacks. He had followed them, and tried to get the job done quick easy in the veg section. Unluckily for Art, there was an off duty policeman stood by the cucumber section, and a cucumber can make a handy truncheon if put in the right hands. So a sad tale as you can tell." He concluded.
Quite some story indeed! Which is why today, if you look inside the front cover of today's South Wales Echo you will see it says ...
Arty Chokes Two For A Pound In Tescos
A is for Apple and Cheese ... the food of the Gods, and sustenance for a good shaggy dog story!