Sunday 18 March 2012: Anti-mothers day ..
Thank goodness for my girls because Mothers Day always reminds me that I'm not good enough. Always second best to people who aren't even my family.
I begrudge sending my mum anything for mothers day, there are some mums who just do not deserve the day, let alone the title. We've had a rocky relationship but just lately I've noticed the way she acts so OTT with my girls, basically making a statement that she can do better with them - yes, she does much better with my girls through MY guidance and not her natural maternal ability! For example, I used to graze my knee and get told to stop f-ing crying like a stupid baby. My daughter falls over on the way from school, I'm fussing over her and cuddling her home and as soon as my Mum sees hers it's all 'oh! Oh my poor baby doll! Oh, are you ok? Oh what happened oh my poor baby doll', it seriously winds me up. You never did that for me. Never. Never ever. And you blame my dad for YOU not nurturing me. Because as ever, everything is everyone else's fault because even after all these years of being separated from my dad you still cannot take responsibility for your actions, you still blame my dad even now for things that he has no dealing with.
That's why I'm second best because I look like my dad, I'm a permanent reminder that you had him in your life and that he single handedly ruined your life. Open your eyes Mum. My dad doesn't make you have affairs. My dad doesn't even exist in any of our lives now. My dad doesn't compete because he's not even here to try due to ridiculous judgements. But one thing he was right about was that you'll never change. Still all has to be all about you.
But still I smile sweetly and send a little text message to say Happy Mothers Day.
Sorry blippers. Things I need to say but don't dare ...