Tuesday 24 April 2012: my good luck gift...
Thank you to all of you who took the time to read my post yesterday....as was fairly apparent I was feeling pretty low when I typed it.A day on,and although I still am not at my chirpiest best,I dont feel the intensity of the pain as I was.It is still very much there,but it feels less like salt being added to a open wound.
I genuinely dont sit here sobbing and full of self pity,and I would hope that I dont come across that way.I lead a hectic life and keep myself busy,but there are times when I do feel overwhelmed by sadness.
I know I am strong,and also have a strong marriage...I know I am not alone ,and that very many people care about my family and I.I know also that where we are currently with K,is nowhere near as volatile and unstable as where we were with him even a few months ago.And for that I am truly grateful.
What I do struggle to get across perhaps is that although I realise there are very many positives in my life,and that the good times we spend with K are wonderful...and for that I thank my lucky stars...this does not take away any of the pain of leaving him.
I often hear,"focus on the good times" (or words to that effect)....and those are very kind words,but they dont take into consideration that no amount of good times will make the scene I described yesterday at the end of my post,any easier or less painful.
And that scene is replayed week after week,visit after visit.And it is agonising to go through.Hmm,the more I type the more apparent it becomes how low my mood is.....
My blip.....the gift from my friend in Norfolk.....she recently bought a beautiful horse,and this is one of the horse shoes that have just been replaced. All 4 were carried home by her,upright,so that the luck didnt run out.She placed one on her gate and said she had put the other 3 aside for good friends who need a bit of luck....and we were one of those.Havent decided where I will hang it yet,but I love it!What a wonderful gesture :)
May good luck be your friend in whatever you do and may trouble be always a stranger to you.~ Irish Blessing