Turtles All The Way Down

By Stacebob

Century 2009

I pre-ordered this ages ago and had completely forgotten I'd done it until last week, at which point Rich told me something about it that made me sceptical about whether I'd enjoy it. Before I could decide whether to cancel the order, the bloody thing got dispatched.

I feel, after reading it this evening, that I was being severely punished for my naivety in thinking that maybe it'd be better than the last, and that maybe Alan Moore's head hadn't entirely disappeared up his own rectum. The story lacked any real thread, suspense, urgency or excitement, the characters were flat, boring and somewhat pitiful, the villain was absolutely annoying as all Hell, and Moore's preoccupation with sex and genetalia was about as subtle as a sledgehammer. I have honestly never regretted spending money and time on a comic more. There was one page, towards the very start of the book, showing a street scene in which every sign, clothing label, logo or advertisement had some reference to sex or a mis-spelled swearword. I truly feel like Moore was pointing and laughing at me as I read this, whilst dabbing the cavier out of his beard with my money. The only good thing about this book was that O'Neill's art was as good as ever.

That may seem vitriolic and pathetic, but honestly, as books go, this one was about as interesting as watching dry paint get slightly dryer...

People have pointed out to me that I didn't have to buy this, because I know what Moore is like and blah blah blah. Well, the thing is, I have liked Moore's work in the past. The first 2 LOEG trades, although still featuring a preoccupation with sexy time (usually as a plot device rather than for no real reason though), were excellent stories with twists, diverse and interesting characters and were incredibly well told. And of course, there's Watchmen (need I say more?). So excuse me for thinking that maybe Century 1969 was just a blip, that maybe Moore would make a stunning return to form, and that maybe I'd really enjoy this. Excuse me for having hope.

Hurrah for melodrama, eh? :P

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