It's been a long time since I posted anything on here but tonight I need to.

I've not got the passion I had before, not for anything. I don't go out with my camera anymore because I don't go out anymore. Not really, i'm stuck in a hole, and in the hole there is nothing but me looking at myself, and seeing that I am achieving nothing, but because i'm in the hole, there's nothing I can do about it. 

I am trapped in a cycle of being trapped in a cycle. I know this makes no sense but it makes perfect sense to me. I am exhausted with being exhausted, about being exhausted, you know?

I'm unhappy about being unhappy. It's all the same endless nonsense that seems like a perfect explanation to me. I find no excitement wherever I look, but I can't look hard because i'm stuck in the hole.

I feel so happy until I get home, from wherever i've been, but when I get home, i'm so happy that I cry for about an hour and then go to bed. When I get home I feel that I can cry and let out everything I hold in when i'm out in public doing things or spending time with people. It's so hard to explain to my boss that no I can't come in, and when he asks why, it's because I just can't, my body, my limbs and my brain and feelings just won't let me come in, because they don't want to because they know that they can't do it today.

It's something I can't put my finger on because I can't reach whatever it is i'm hunting for. 

This is a picture of home, of the view from the summer. Of the peace the sun and the breeze brings me.

Oh take me back, before the hole, before I forgot most things, before I didn't use it, and lost it.

Oh take me back.