205

Woke up feeling on edge this morning. I have a bit of a traffic lights system going on in my brain. Tomorrow I can guarantee I will wake up to green - the day's my own; no one I need to see, nowhere I need to go. Most (working) days I wake up to amber. On bad days I wake up to red.

Today was amber but it felt like the lights could change to red at any moment.

The weather looked ok so I decided to walk along the canal to Shipley and then get on the train for the last little part of my journey to work. It was very peaceful, there were very few people about but lots of birds to keep me company. I was happy to hear a woodpecker in the distance, over in Hirst Wood.

All my work colleagues came in moaning about the weather - I didn't tell them I'd walked 3 miles in it and thought it was lovely!

I felt fine while I was outside walking, but then for the rest of the day I was on edge, even at lunchtime, which is pretty unusual for me.

Feel shattered now. On the surface I am able to look completely calm, emotionless... but inside I'm a mass of emotions, thoughts, fears. It takes its toll.

So, for me, Friday night is - jimjams on, pizza & fat chips and a few glasses of wine... and thankful I'm not going out anywhere seeing as it's St Patrick's day!