First Impressions!

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

"Doc, I can't stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother HoChaChu.
But I think it's Colin.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Guy goes into the doctor's.
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start"


Sorry but Tommy Cooper's the only one I can do!

Can someone help me up now please?