Vince

has fallen off the wagon

He has been in great form these last few weeks. His ladyfriend Suzy made him give up smoking because it’s ‘such a bad habit’, made him give up drinking whiskey because he was ‘slurring his words’, made him go to the gym because he needed to lose the paunch and she only liked to be seen in the company of fit dogs. He lost some weight, stopped the morning coughing, his eyes regained their sparkle and he was in great form. He even stopped chasing the magpies and instead gave them a friendly tailwag. All was good in Vincemeister’s life. Suzy thought they should holiday in France and she insisted he learn some french so he could order her meal properly in the CafeCanine.

But last week his mood dipped. He was grouchy and he was back on the Marlboro. And I thought I spotted an empty naggin bottle down the garden.

What’s wrong sweetie pie (I’m very fond of him).

Nothing, he said

Oh c’mon Vince, you are down in the dumps.

Well, he said

Yes go on, I said

Well, Suzy and I were out for a stroll last week. We walked past no. 39 and there is a new family there now. They have a German Spaniel called Frankie. Now who calls a dog Frankie, Jean, seriously, he asked me.

Er, I don’t know, Vince.

He strolls up to us, and Jean, he ignored me and turned to Suzy snd said ‘hi there toots’. Toots, Jean, he called her Toots. Well I was just about to let him have it but just then his owner came out and called him. Well I tell you Jean it was lucky for him.

And last Tuesday when we walked in the park and we were admiring the herbaceous border, who did we see but Frankie and his owner running and laughing. The next minute the owner threw a circular plastic plate through the air and damn Frankie jumped 10 feet in the air and caught it and ran back to his human with it to throw again. Now Jean don’t you agree that that is a ridiculous game and played only for showing off.

Vince sweetie, it’s called frisbee and it’s great fun.

Oh Jean he sobbed even you are against me.

Oh no no Vince - I would never be against you but I have to be honest.

At this point his lower lip trembled and a big tear fell from his eye.

Jean, he sobbed, Jean ... Suzy is not answering my calls and Rusty (Vince’s best pal) saw her chatting to Frankie in the park as she sat watching him catch the plastic plate.

Sobs sobs

Poor Vince

Jean, he said. Yes sweetie pie.

Jean, I just don’t understand women. I just don’t and I never will.

More sobs. Sobs.

As you can see he is not looking good. He has just arrived in from The Working Dogs Club where he basically fell off the wagon.

I should have known when he was rooting in the drawer for his tartan cap.

Tartan cap is not a good sign.

No the tartan cap is never a good sign.