Fifteen

My mother has surprised us all, by joining an online dating site, called 'The Happy Hearts Hub'. It's for the over 60s, and claims to 'make those care lines recede...'

H has immediately renamed it 'The Crappy Farts Club' and says it'll be the hair lines that are receding, nothing else.

Anyway, she came by tonight, before her first date with a man called Roger. She was wearing a sparkly dress and heels, and plastered in more make-up than Coco the Clown at a cosmetics convention.

She did an arthritic twirl in front of H.
'What do you think?' she asked.

'Very nice' said H, 'if you're starting a Danny La Rue tribute act...'

Thankfully she's a bit deaf. 'What does Roger do?' I asked.

'I'm not sure really. His profile was very brief - but his personal statement says he 'helps vulnerable people who are at life's crossroads'. I think that's beautiful. And in his profile photo, he's wearing a white coat, so I'm guessing doctor. Or more likely, psychiatrist.'

'Well? What do you think?' I asked H as we watched her tottering down the driveway in her stilettos. 'Will her heart get broken?'

'More likely her hip, wearing those shoes.'

For the second time this week, Mekon suddenly decided to speak. 'Obvious innit?'

'Innit....I mean is it? What is?'

'White coat. Crossroads.' He almost smiled. 'Dude's a lollipop man, innit!'

I'm beginning to think I preferred him when he was silent.....