The Pensioner

By Pensioner

The Officials

No sooner were we all up and breakfasted than I’d to run the nippers to the station. And no sooner was I back from that than I’d to pick up the minky to entertain for a couple of hours as her parents were preparing for an invasion of their house by the clan. And no sooner was the minky dropped off than I’d to leg it to Tynecastle to catch the all important six-pointer against the men from Paisley. We’re beginning to click on the pitch - probably just in time for us to sell Lawrence “Shanks” Shankland to the mob along the road.
Anyway, look at the those two officials leaving the pitch at the end of the game. The ref, lean and athletic, carrying the ball. The linesman, carrying, well, a good few surplus kilos. Wait a minute, I do believe that’s the Leader of the Opposition at Holyrood, one Doug Ross. Well, to be fair, I think he got a few Hearts votes today, keeping his flag to himself. He was probably so puffed from running the line that he'd no energy to raise it.

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