Crackers!

Why do Father Christmas's helpers have to wear seat belts?

Because of Elfin Safety


What do you get if you cross a skeleton and a detective?

Sherlock Bones

Why is North Korea not as good as South Korea?

Because it's got no Seoul.

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?

Lost

Why did Obama install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize

Why do so many spiders work in IT?

Because they are great at web design.

What goes oh, oh oh?

Santa walking backwards

A man goes to see his Doctor and says: "Doctor I have a lettuce stuck in my bottom."

The Doctors takes a look and replies: "That's only the tip of the iceberg."

Why are herbalists so rich?

Because Thyme is money.

Who stalks Brick Lane dressed in bling?

Jack the Rapper.