Friday 5 February 2010: Claudia a.k.a. Monkey-Brains
I don't even know where to begin with this one. She is just everything I've ever wanted and more. You know when you've always wanted to do something, and in your mind you build it up and build it up, and sometimes when you actually get to do it it isn't as good as you thought and you are left wanting something else...? Well I really thought motherhood would be like that for me. That once I actually had my baby I would be pining after the next thing I didn't have...
Since I was 12 I knew that all I wanted to do was have children. It didn't matter if I never had a successful career as anything as long as I had a husband that loved me and children. I have been ridiculously broody since I was 18 and finally, at 24, I had my first child. We had two miscarriages before we were blessed with little Claudia Jennifer so she really does feel like a miracle.
And you know what? It's everything I'd ever hoped for. Somehow all the little things don't seem such a big deal any more. All the politics of everyday life over here, the little troubles, the petty squabbles, the problems we encounter in day to day life... they just fade away when I look at her. Even the fact that my husband is away for over a month doesn't seem quite so bad because she's with me and snuggling close to her and smelling her just seems to make everything else melt away. The politics are unimportant, my husband WILL come home, the squabbles are nothing to do with me... she gives me the ability to let these things wash over me and leave me unaffected.
I realise that sounds incredibly sappy, haughty and arrogant but I don't care. I adore this little girl.
This photo was taken (along with many others, I can't just take the one :o) ) after her late morning nap. She is always pleased to see me when I go in and gives me a huge grin... It's hard to capture on camera because I am always looking at her when she smiles, so this one was taken without me actually looking through the viewfinder :o)
Claudia is 4 1/2 months/19 weeks 2 days old... and she is just brilliant!