Hell in the Sunshine

Last day of August! Utter pure hell of a day! Absolutely worried sick over something! Forcing myself to take photos, to work, something, anything to take my mind of the nagging worry that had been with me all the time, slowly getting worse and worse ofver the last couple of months! Hoping against hope that tomorrrow would bring good news and that I hadn't been done the dirty on!

August is a month I don't want to remember! I lost something, well, someone to be exact, very precious this August. My own fault! I have an inability to keep my mouth shut when I see something that's wrong! This time I was made to pay! I needn't have gone, I could have stayed, kept my mouth shut, hidden in a little corner knowing all the while that it was just a matter of time, knowing that they'd be watching for an excuse. So I left! And I lost!

On my other journal that I stopped a long while ago after someone pointed out that the screenshot I'd photo'd showed the urls of the sites I had open and that they'd checked them out to be certain I wasn't doing something I shouldn't be doing, looking at something I shouldn't have been looking at.. a blipfoto jobsworth it seemed.. oh they were ok.. this time I was ok.. I was let off.. but they would be watching me in the future..... On that journal, my original journal, I wrote a poem a day for wel over a year.. even up until the time I stopped I still wrote them occasionally. But now, all thought of writing has been killed off! This is the first time I've really written seriously on this joournal, just normally putting my photos up and keeping quiet but today - even though I'm writing this three days later - I felt I needed to write, to let it all pour out.. like the tears did this day, like the tears did when I lost!

I'm told I'm stupid for letting things get to me. I'm a grown man! An old man almost! Buckle up and get some balls!