Sunday 23 May 2010: Blue haze
86/365: Today is an absolutely beautiful day outside. The sky is the most heavenly shade of blue. A gentle breeze takes the edge off the heat and the greens in the garden are fresh and wondeful.
I feel bad for writing this - but despite all of the above, I feel really low. Have always trusted in my instinct where I've needed to. Am generally fairly in touch with what I think and feel when it comes to making decisions. But, I feel flat. I've a couple of big decisions to make in the next couple of days and I just can't seem to feel anything at all about either of them. Two weeks ago I'd spoken to my Dad for what turned out to be the last time. We'd chatted and talked through some of the things that were bothering him and I'd tried my hardest to help. It didn't help him. I couldn't rescue him or change the way things turned out. I'd tried to make decisions to support him, but they were rejected and there's nothing I can do.
Why is it so beautiful outside when inside I feel so empty?