Monday 24 May 2010: A couple of strange encounters
As Bella enjoyed her shivery bite, an elderly gentleman we'd seen in the pool approached me and asked, "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like William Riker from Star Trek?"
I said no and, not being much of a Star Trek fan, I didn't really know who he was talking about anyway. Googling my famous doppelgänger this evening, I wasn't displeased with the results; it wasn't long ago a significant percentage of people on Chat Roulette said I looked just like Kevin Smith.
My second strange encounter came by telephone from the East.
"Hello Mr. Tree. My name is Anita and I am calling from Windows Operating System Support."
"We have been monitoring your PC and have received many reports in recent months that it has been filling up with unwanted software."
"Have you noticed it has been slowing down recently, and taking a very long time to boot up?"
"Oh yes, it's been terrible. I wondered what was wrong. I'm very worried - I don't want unwanted software on my computer. Can you help?"
"Not a problem at all sir. Are you in front of your PC?"
"Yes. I'll just switch it on - hang on"
"You might have to wait a while - I told you it's taking ages to start up.
"Hum... hum... sorry about this."
"It is no problem sir, take your time."
Five minutes later.
"Hum... hum... it shouldn't be long now... OH! There it is. It has started up!"
At this point I heard a little chatting in the background and a man came on the line.
"Hello sir. My name is Kevin Peterson and I am a Senior Technical Support Specialist here at Windows Operating System Support."
"Hello Kevin. Your colleague said I had unwanted software on my computer. I don't want unwanted things on my computer. I hope you can help."
After several minutes stringing the chap along as he talked me through various commands which might divulge bits of personal data about me and my Windows PC (he should have guessed I had a Mac when I said there was no Windows key) I said "Oh my God! There's a picture of a woman on my screen and she's completely naked! And she has a cucumber in her hand! Did you send me this?"
"No sir, this must be on your PC already."
"Well this is definitely unwanted!" (Yes, I know, but by this point a wee white lie was going to do no further harm.)
To cut an already long story short, after a little more stringing the phisherman along and continued hassling about the source of the lady with the cucumber, he shouted down the phone at me "You are a bloody bastard! The picture is of your mother or your sister! You took and scanned it in! Fuck you!"
That aside, the day was unremarkable.