A fruitful intuition

Last night when I posted my journal I didn't tell you everything. I was just so exhausted that I had to end the story at the point I did. Also the write-up was long enough for one day.

So here I'll fill you in. I have had a quite intense ache and pain also in my stomach after what happened the 10th of June. It has become worse every day. So yesterday after the meeting at Sergey's I decided to drive to the hospital service. I was feeling sick and told them that I cannot wait for the doctor sitting in a chair. I need to lie down.

So I got in a room where there were many beds and only curtains between. I lied there for a couple of hours (!) and then I young man came to the bed next to me. I couldn't see him because of the curtain. He started to yell, swear and keep a big noise. I thought that maybe he was drunk or an drug addict. Not one nurse paid any attention to him.

After keeping that awful noise for quite some time he started to sob. I felt deeply for him and acted completely intuitionally. I got up from my bed and pulled the curtain aside. There was a enormous agony in his eyes. I asked him: "Are you in pain?". He said: "Yes, a terrible pain". Me: "What is going on?" He: "My hip is destroyed, there is an infection that won't go away". I saw that there were two crutches leaning towards his bed.

I also noticed that his arms had been cut badly, he had been cutting himself and there were many big red scars. I started to caress his arm. I went on for a while and saw that his pain made him very tense. He breathed very shallowly. I put my hand on his chest and told him: "Listen to me, take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth. I showed him how and kept my hand on his chest. I said: "Breath with me".

Suddenly he became very calm and he just breathed with me. I asked what is his name. "Jaska" he said. "OK, Jaska keep on breathing, I'm going in my own bed. Once in a while I said: "Jaska, are you breathing?" He said: "Yes, I am breathing".

Then one nurse came to Jaska and brought hospital clothes to him. She left the clothes on Jaska's bed and said to him: "Go on, change your clothes" and then she left. I heard Jaska groaning when he tried to sit up in his bed. I got up and went to him. "I can help you with that" I said. He said: " I don't need help". I saw his legs cramping when he tried to put his legs on the floor.

I took him under his arms, and said: "Now I'm offering my help. Take it." Then I took off his shirts and helped him with the hospital shirt. He smelled very bad, sweat and dirt but I did not mind that. I was standing on his back side. He turned around smiled at me and said: " I'm changing my trousers myself". I said OK. He smiled through his pain. I will never forget that moment.

Jaska was taken to the hospital ward and I wished him good luck. I also had asked for his telephone number and given mine to him, saying that he can call me any time.

I waited 5 hours for the doctor. The doctor was a very young man, probably in his 20's. He pressed very carelessly on my stomach. When I started to explain my situation he said: "Go home and take a painkiller. Go to your own health center in the morning". Waiting for five hours and then this! If I hadn't used all my energy screaming at Timo and crying and laughing at Sergey's I would have started screaming at the doctor.

After this I realized that I was anyway very thankful for my hospital visit, even if I didn't get any help. At least I had helped someone a tiny bit. So it was not a wasted time.

So today I have been to a private doctor and there will be some tests the coming days. I got a medicine to cope with the pain meanwhile.

Todays shot is done completely intuitionally. When I was on my way to the doctor I got an idea of buying some fruit to shoot. When I got home I started thinking how to do it. Put in my glass bowl? Yes. Using what kind of a backdrop? It is still light outside, just go out to Espoon keskuspuisto. Wandering around waiting for the spot to choose me. Making a nature still life with no logics. Just following my intuition.