Finished!

One evening, whilst trying (and failing) to breastfeed my second baby, Twilight was on. I half watched it, sad that I wasn't feeding properly and then getting agitated at this movie. If they just 'got it on' at the start, then we wouldn't have to sit through over an hour of teen angst and sexual tension ...

Then I remembered, books are *always* better than movies. A friend loaned me her copy of Twilight, I've read and finished it in 4 evenings, rushing to bed so I can read another few chapters. Now I understand the fear, the love, the intensity and fragility of the relationship, I can honestly say that I enjoyed the story.

Now, I need the next book!

I thought though, as I didn't have a normal teenhood, is this normal? Except for the vampire part, do girls just fall head over heels with boys? The wrong type of boys? Is it so uncontrollable? Bella had an 'ok' relationship with her Mum but how can I, as a mother, engineer the sort of relationship where my girls would be open with me? Will purely just loving them do? Is that enough?

I'm thoughtful today. I had a bad dream last night, there was a funeral service, a plaque with my daughters full name, I was looking for a book to read from at the service and listening for the right type of music. My heart torn to pieces. In real life, I've struggled with this baby, she's much more independent than my first and, difficult? But I could feel my heart breaking in my dream. Absolutely breaking so much that I ached. I hope I never have to live that. I guess my dream is just trying to reinforce to me that I do actually love her. I sound like a nutcase!!