Thursday 20 January 2011: Pure and Simple.....
Faces have been obscured to protect the ....
Sometimes you get on the train and you want to slip into a seat un-noticed and unaware of everything around you.
Sometimes you get on the train and you know that isn't going to happen.
Tonight, I managed to grab a two seater at the back of train, and ensconced myself in the corner. Directly in front of me were four females, chatting amicably to a chap sitting in the seat opposite them.
A lady who gets on and off the same train as me wandered up, and I smiled widely at her, and nodded to my seat. She smiled back, but pointed to the seat next to the chap with whom the girls were chatting. "God help you", I thought.
As the train pulled out the conversation ensued.
Girl 1: Aye, So I wuz like, Aye man, I'm pure mad wie you.
Boy: Whit did ye dae?
Girl 1: Well, Ah was like, Whack, Ah pure belted him ah did.
Boy: Whit did ye belt him wie?
Girl 1: Ah pure belted him wie ma stainless steel flower power ring, so ah did. (Knuckle duster).
Girl 2: Aye, but huf ye no telt him whit ye hit him wie afore?
Girl 1: Ha ha Aye, but ah wuz pure raging, he goat wit wiz coming.
Boy: Whit did ye use?
Girl 2: Hur George Foreman!
Boy: Fur F... Sake Mon. Did ye no kull him?
Girl 1: Nah, he's pure goat a hard heid, wi nuthing in it, so he hus!
Boy: You've goat him under the thumbs then?
Girl 2: Under the George Foreman heh heh heh.
Girl 1: Aye, but he wiz pure oot a order. We wiz pure skint and he skadged muny aff his mam to pay the leccie, but he pure went tae the pub. An it wiz like 11.30 when he pure phoant me, and telt me, well he didn't tell me nuthing coz he wiz pure steaming, and he's pure talking S*&t doon the phone, and he pure goes and starts a fight, and ah'm pure standing there and ah pure hung up on him, so ah dae and he's oan the other end, pure fighting. And the next moarning, he's pure no home, so ah pure calls his mither so ah dae, and the he phones me, and he's pure raging and he pure screams at me doon the phone.
At this point, I pure put my wool in my ears and tried to shut out all the noise, so I did so!