Thursday 3 February 2011: Head in a Book ...

I remember, as a child of about nine, overhearing my Dad describe me to another father as 'always having her head in a book, or her backside on a pony'

I love that description - sums up that stage of my life so well!

Finlay adores reading and was most studious this afternoon. Which seemed a perfect opportunity to illustrate Mamma's return to the books ...

Yup. I'm going back to study and I'm thrilled and terrified in fairly equal measures!

I have been toying with the idea for a long time now. But I have lacked confidence. Severely. Paralysed by the fear of failure. But recently, the words of others have started to sink in. Faith that friends and family have in me has slowly but surely helped bolster me. The odd comment or bit of feedback from a relative stranger or a relevant professional has sparked ideas. The need to help provide for my family's future when A leaves the Army this year has forced my hand too. Above all, the confidence that I am gaining, purely from mothering my son, has made a difference.

Trickle, trickle, trickle go the ideas.

Slowly, slowly, slowly the confidence begins to come.

Then yesterday. A catalyst.

This.

It was such a surprise to see my own images amongst the group on the wall.

I was blown away by the thought of my wonderful friend liking the photographs I took of her beautiful daughter, enough to actually frame and display them. I had a little tear, actually!

So, then things happened.

I threw caution to the wind.

I felt the fear and did it anyway!

I finally applied to the local university to do a part-time Photography course. It's technical, which I desperately need - but it's borne of the Art & Design Dept which I think will suit me better. To say I am excited is a huge understatement. I don't know where it will take me, but I can't wait to find out!

But it didn't stop there.

I then went to our baby Singing group and another Mum happened to mention that her toddler 'loves the camera'. I took a very deep breath and asked her if I may photograph him and showed her some of my images of Finlay. To my delight she leapt at it and we are good to go.

But it didn't stop there, either.

I breastfed Finlay until he was almost 18 months old. Being a tiny premature baby, our breastfeeeding journey was a very difficult one for the first few months. Tears were shed, many tears. But we got there in the end and I am so glad that we did. I have always wanted to be able to give something back to the Special Care Baby Unit or support other parents of premature babies in some way.

Another twist of fate at the Singing Group and I am now discussing with the local tutor, the very real option of undertaking the NCT Breatsfeeding Counsellor training. Starts in a few weeks.

Bloody hell?!?!

It's early days, for all of it and I feel oddly shy about the whole thing. I guess the fear of failure is still with me then?!?! But by the end of the month I could find my nose back in the books, my eye behind the lens and the wonderful feeling of learning back in my soul.

There are people in my life, that have made me feel this is possible.

To them, I am indebted.

Thank you, All xxx


My last blip of M, is all the way back here ... def time for a new one! How does March, suit you, my dear?!


And a little slpash of Amore ... as chosen by Ursilou ... did you know I lived in old Napoli for a few months?

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