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Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple



When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.



You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.



But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.


By Jenny Joseph


Mr Flum can be very generous at Christmas, this was my present. I intended to blip the fact that it currently shows January 36th as I haven't learned how to alter the date setting; then I realised that I was wearing a lovely shade of mauve which. with the red strap, brought the poem by Jenny Joseph to mind. Come to think. she's right, I'm halfway there already. (Oh, come on! Everyone knows how to spit...and as for pens and pencils.....)