Tories reveal policy to recoup bank losses

Following from yesterday's report that the Conservative leader David Cameron was planning on introducting a "bring your own car to work" policy for police officers, we can exclusively reveal the PM's new policy to try and claw back some of the cash pumped in to the banking system to prop it up during the financial crisis. Mr Cameron has secretly assembled a crack team of cat burglars to break into random bank branches and swipe the cash in the safe while no one is looking. Speaking at a press conference today, he commented: "It's a genius idea - not only are we getting criminals out of the overcrowded prisons and back on the street, earning an honest living, but we're also directly recouping some of the money that the tax payers paid into the banks that we would otherwise have to wait years for. It's a win-win situation!" When pressed about the fact that the burglars seemed to be operating in plain daylight, indeed with high-visibility vests on, the PM retorted that it was a health and safety issue, and that people have a right to work fair hours to fit in with their family life. He declined to comment as to why the burglars only seem to be targeting RBS branches, however this reporter assumes that it was due to the fact that nobody in Scotland actually voted for the Tories.