reminder

long exposure of a changing gingko tree against the clear night sky.

Reminds me of a journal entry I posted a few years ago:

"The daze of Colorado and packing left me disoriented. All the furniture had been moved out of the house and packed onto the trucks... so, we decided it was a good idea to camp out in the front yard.

It was the last night I'd sleep in Pennsylvania while it was still my home. I'd taken to turning my eyes to the sky at night to take my mind off of that fact. I'd spent the day with Tony and Jimmy. We set up the telescope and the tent in the front yard, with a couple of lawn chairs off to the side. The three of us sat and reminisced over the years we'd known each other we... memories of summer and bikerides and Scoops mini golf and barbeque sauce and Tony ordering hot chocolate in midsummer, building forts and the "x-wing" out of a few boards and some old lawnmower wheels, playing Monster Rancher and kickball and shoe kick game. I also remember distinctly having talked about "Revenge of the Nerds," or some similar movie.

Long after Jimmy and Tony had stopped talking, I was awake looking at the stars. I had a song in my head... Green Day's "Church On Sunday". I'd ruined things with her, but was too stupid and naïve then to understand the mistakes I'd made... she'd reciprocated by ripping off the façade I'd created for myself (thank you for helping me open up my eyes), but I couldn't understand that then, either. I'm glad I've matured (a bit) since then, and I'd like to talk to her and let her know why, but I think it's much better left in the past.

When I got too tired to keep my right eye open looking for M92 in Hercules through the telescope, I sat in the green yard chair and looked up at the trees. There was a very cold wind blowing that night. I was hallucinating, so when I saw the leaves blowing, I perceived thousands upon thousands of birds.

When I broke out of the shallow sleep later, Hercules was on the other side of the sky. It couldn't have been very cold, but the wind and dew made my teeth chatter. The sleeping bag had soaked up my sweat. The wind cut through it, and I could feel the warmth being leeched from my body. My feet were particularly cold. I tried to find my socks, but they'd been lost in the mire of the sleeping bag

I decided that it would be better to make my way over to the tent and get inside, but I was still half asleep. I got up, hopped a few times, and completely forgot what I was doing. The birds were still in the trees, and I almost panicked. This was the most surreal moment of my life. I shook my head a few times, regained a semi-conscious state, and (slowly) made my way into the tent.

I woke up drenched in sweat. The sun had risen hours ago, so the greenhouse effect had had plenty of time to raise the temperature inside the tent. I got up, looked around, and went outside. I can't remember whether Jimmy and Tony had gotten up by then or not. The next thing I remember, we were inside the mostly empty house.

No, that couldn't have been my house. Where were the couches? Where was the kitchen table? I didn't know there was an outlet behind that dresser... the piece of silly putty we put in the crack between the bricks was still there, but this wasn't my house. It was now a superball arena. The last thing we did in that building was throw superballs around. Before then, there had been a risk of breaking something. All that remained was windows and walls.

We pulled out of the driveway, and we didn't have to worry about hitting the basketball pole. Of course, I cried.

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives
Tomorrow is too late to pretend everything's alright
I'm not getting any younger as long as you don't get any older
I'm not gonna say that yesterday never was"