No Better Than He Ought To Be

My mum bought River round today to check that her season had ended before taking her out on normal walks.
The answer to that was a big fat no.
Oh. My. God.
Lots of detail of doggy sex to follow so please don't read if you're squeamish!!!!!
Archie was pretty interested in her rear end when she arrived but not in a complete frenzy.
I made tea and me and my mum went and sat out in the garden. Archie immediately started trying to shag River - mostly at the wrong end but he was giving it a good go.
I kept trying to shoo him away from her but he was getting more and more worked up. I thought it was a bit unfair on him so suggested to my mum that maybe she should go. 
She was quite unconcerned and said it'd be OK. 
In that case, I said, I'll just leave them to it.
In less than two minutes Archie was merrily shagging away and when my mum tried to pull them apart she discovered they were tied. 
It was simultaneously hilarious - the look on Archie's face! - and horrifying!  
My mum grabbed Archie and held him off the ground and I had the bright idea of hosing them down to make them stop. It was partially successful. They stopped humping but were stuck together, soaking wet, confused and looking pretty sorry for themselves.
They clearly just wanted to get away from each other but couldn't, and they couldn't understand why. 
Looking at them stuck together bum to bum was quite something to behold!!
I called the vet to ask what to do. She said there was nothing we could do until they came apart and there was a "mis-mating" injection that River can have. To prevent the patter of tiny paws.
Although a litter of black and white Sprockerpoos? Sproodles? with Archie and River as Mummy and Daddy would be cute!!
Eventually they managed to pull themselves apart - which made them both yelp and when I saw the size of the thing hanging down between Archie's legs I thought he'd done himself an injury. It was horrible.
But they both seemed to be OK, the giant donkey penis eventually subsided and my mum took River off into the car.
Archie smoked a cigarette and then rolled over and went to sleep. 
So yes, I think we can safely say she's still in season!!
My mum took her to the vet and had to pay over £200 for the injection. Ouch!
When Mr K got home I headed over to Bicester for dinner with Miss K. It was lovely to see her as ever.
And I saw my mum again briefly when she came up to get her laundry. Their machine is broken so I'd put a load on when she came round earlier - before the dogs got down to it. She left before it had finished so I bought it to Miss K's and mum came to get it!!
After stuffing myself with chicken biryani, drinking tea and chatting to Miss K I came home and collapsed into bed.