I made the turkey today. Here it is, wrapped in muslin in a bath of broth, about to go in the oven for two hours. I had to buy the biggest roasting tin Tesco had to fit it in, and it still only goes in diagonally.
On Tuesday, the stuffed not-turkey will go in the oven to roast, slathered in cranberry sauce and wrapped in the not-bacon that I made yesterday. The not-bacon will also be used as blankets for the not-pigs I also made yesterday.
Mr Perkins doesn’t know what to make of all the things he can smell while I’m preparing all this not-meat: is it actual meat or not?