All aboard!

All aboard! All aboard the Nationalist Express. Join a quarter of the 63% of eligible population that voted in favour of the Sinn Fein program for government. It will be great craic. It involves a lot of belting out rebel songs from the Wolfe Tones back catalogue, building half a million social houses in six months, using 100% Irish labour (Mick the chippy and John Joe the spark and the lads, great sessions down the pub it will be, after building all them houses). And the health system will be fixed. We'll bring back home all them banjo-playing Irish doctors and bodhran-beating Irish nurses from abroad, none of them Indian surgeons who don't know their coddle from their battered sausage or them Filipino physiotherapists who have never played a good aul game of hurling in their life.
The funding? The funding you say? Easy. Couple of JCBs and ATMs disappear unnoticed in the middle of the night. Oh, and we still have a few millions (26.5) in unmarked bank notes that have been resting in a shed since December 2004. It's a good thing the rate of inflation has been low since then. Now, do neurosurgeons and roofers accept cash? Unmarked Norn Iron sterling notes. No questions asked.

Come on ye Black and Tans, come out and foight me loike a man!