Monday 20 June 2011: Talents? Moving on?
A planned blip today.
I drew this picture before Clara was born, her nursery was an "Animals went in 2 by 2" theme. When I had her, I wished I'd gone with my gut and chosen something more girly. I eventually found something I liked when she was around 18 months old. So I just never finished this drawing. A shame, but I know I'll finish it one day. A spiritual friend told me that I have a boy waiting for me, I guess this will suit him more than the girls ... What a story to tell him when he gets here.
Anyway, I posted it to my FB and a friend commented on my .. talents? She said that I can draw, take great photos, bake great cakes etc and it got me thinking ...
I find people difficult, I don't find it easy to make conversation and hate small talk. My friends comment made me realise that, as I don't spend a lot of time in the company of others, I have spent time perfecting these hobbies and I guess it's for some sort of approval from the people I seek, when I see them. I enjoy pleasing others, I enjoy seeing that people are pleased with the things that I do. I guess, just the way my 4 year old daughter seeks my approval - except, it's normal for a child. I surely should have grown out of this attention seeking behaviour - which, ultimately is what this is.
I know where it comes from, I know why I do it .. I accept it now. So, does that mean that this will end? Does finally understanding this mean that it stops? Is this me, growing up??
Mmm. Can I move forward now??