Saturday 14 July 2012: Bastille Day rocket
That is a rocket to myself to try and kick my creative project into life. My idea to produce something about my trip to Paris, TWO YEARS ago. I'm shouting at myself here, disappointed that I still haven't produced even a first draft. And looking back to last year's Bastille Day entry I see I was talking about it then too. And at the end of February this year, when I took a similar picture. And I did have a bit of a boost after that blip. I found out about some other books that seemed relevant to what I wanted to do, including the one pictured here, The Invention of Paris. Trouble is, the lack of self-confidence I suffer from in so much of my creativity makes me think, that if this book has already been published what more can I add? And this seems to stifle many of my creative projects? I think I want to do them and yet I don't seem to get them done. Am I just too lazy? Is it to do with the time I feel I need to set aside to get started, to start the snowball rolling? Once it's going I suspect it will be easier to keep it moving. Or is it something more fundamental about not wanting it to turn out wrong? If I don't produce it, it remains this perfect thing in my head. Whereas if I do create it, will it turn out to be a disappointment? Well, almost certainly yes, at least to begin with. The first draft, by definition, will get better after later revisions, but without that first version there is nothing to work on.
This picture, backgrounded with a large map of Paris, includes a small selection of my photos, scattered more or less in the right geographical positions, and a few other souvenirs from the trip. But also some books set in Paris, like Georges Perec's classic Life A User's Manual that I read long before I went, or Suskind's Perfume that I read on the plane to Paris or Sarah's Key that I didn't read until after I had been to Paris. I also went to see in the film adaptation of it in the cinema last year. Talking of film, there is the DVD of one of my favourite films, Les Amants du Pont Neuf. And the idea I have includes the context, the foreshadowing and the echoes since. So many ideas.
So why is it so difficult to produce the book I have in my head. Instead I spend Bastille Day evening watching the highlights of the latest stage of le Tour and producing a still life of Paris-related stuff for Blipfoto. Should I give up Blip and use the space to create my project? Probably a bit drastic, but as I approach my second blipday something to think about.
Interestingly we talked about this sort of thing at Socrates Cafe last week - how lack of self-belief prevents us doing great things. I think for me at least I think I liked the thought that it is not necessarily belief in the action that is important but faith that if it goes wrong that still won't be a disaster. If it doesn't turn out right that won't matter. Once again, preserving the idea in its perfect, but virtual state, keeps it safe from the self-criticism that its actual creation will inevitably lead to. Which means it never appears at all.
Apologies if this is a little incoherent, and worse, repeating myself, both in terms of image and content. It's just that it's the stuff in my head today.