Eight maids a-milking

Scout didn't think I was looking when he tried to sneak his cat food into the microwave to warm it up.

Since having them these kittens they have stolen and eaten bread, croissants, mince pies, vegetarian sausage rolls,and tuna. But they haven't actually heated any of them up. That's just me exaggerating.

Very full on at work. A colleague gave me a coaster from her cruise around Australia. Another one asked me what all my stupid George and Stella stories were about. So here they are again ...

Christmas 1990

The idea had seemed sound: invite the whole ante natal class around, eight mums and eight dads and eight babies for pre-Christmas drinks. Until they had decided to all breastfeed at the same time, which meant the men decided to banish themselves to the kitchen and leave the women to it.

It wasn't a very big kitchen either but they somehow squeezed around the table and got onto the subject of how to breastfeed twins. George being George had the technical leaflets to hand.

Stella said later that walking in on it was like watching a convention of car mechanics pouring over a Haynes Manual

Later that evening, when everyone had gone and they were hoovering up the crisps and finding squares of muslin stuffed down the settee, George asked (slightly nervously) if breastfeeding made Stella feel "a bit like a cow".

"Really" she replied "what sort of a question is that?"

"It's just so biological. Feeding something from your own body. Feels odd".

"It's perfectly natural. You don't even think about it".

On Christmas day George cooked lunch but as luck would have it little Luther and Lauren demanded feeding halfway through the meal. Stella grinned as she unbuttoned her blouse.

"What on earth is that?" asked George for Stella had made tiny tinsel garlands around her nipples.

"Christmas dinner" she laughed. "Come on, its my little joke. Even cows can have a sense of humour". George wasn't so sure and was worried the twins might gag on it but of course they didn't.

They pulled four crackers - one each for them and one each for the twins. Stella got nail clippers, Lauren a metal puzzle, and Luther a deck of miniature cards.

George, perhaps inevitably, got the trick babies bottle that appeared to empty then magically refill...