BEDSIT MEMORIES

I remembered this book after seeing a blip of Randy's cookery book collection. It cost me 95 pence and taught me all I knew, until Delia Smith and a pay rise helped in the progression of things. I loved my bedsit, though I came near to burning the whole building down on the day of Prince Charles and Diana's wedding. It was my first attempt at cooking spare ribs but I was also making a wooden frame for an embroidery I had just finished (now I wonder where that is). But I got stuck and popped round to my brother-in-law for help and a hammer. And forgot about the spare ribs. It took a while to get rid of the smoke.

The book has such gems as Breadcrumbs: Dry slices of bread in front of the fire until they are hard; wrap them in newspaper, and first bang then roll the parcel until it is a parcel of crumbs. Chicken livers: Pick over carefully and remove any odd-looking bits. Cream, Sour: Sour milk or yoghourt is a good substitute - but not advanced sour milk that is all whey and green mould. Lettuce: wash, wrap it in a cloth and swing it about. It will spatter the walls and ceiling slightly, but only with harmless drops. Tomatoes: need not be peeled for salads; and in casseroles only if you are expecting company.Yoghourt: Don't use flavoured ones in savoury cooking.

The Cooking to Impress chapter deals with Asking Him Up, and then Cooking for a Man, which insists: Drink is essential here; and better good beer than grocer's sherry or Babycham. One should also remember to hide uncouth items such as tins or packet foods in a suitcase under the bed ensuring your guest believes every course was made by your own fair hand.

I notice there is no recipe for spare ribs in the index though. I must have been getting a bit above myself. Anyway, back to the reading, I wonder what's for supper tonight........