The Centre of New Zealand

This is a story about bodily functions.

Driving up to Nelson this evening I decided that I'd go straight across town and give walking up to the Centre of New Zealand monument a go. Now usually when I get to Nelson the first thing I do is find a toilet - somehow after the one and a half hour drive I always have a full bladder.

I didn't think of that today until I was a few hundred metres up the track. I nearly turned around and went back but that seemed a cop out so I kept going. And the further I went the more tightly I had to clench my muscles. The last time I was up at the monument (20 years ago) there wasn't a toilet up there but today I found myself making deals in my head and promising myself all sorts of things if only they had installed a toilet at the top of the hill. Well I'm safe. I don't have to do any of the things I promised - no toilet! Oh dear.

It meant that by the time I got to the top of the hill I wasn't game to stick around to wait for the sun to drop further so that I could get a decent photo of the view of the city without the glare (I really must get a set of ND filters for this lens). I wiggled and jiggled as I grabbed a couple of desperate shots, and then started back down. This was going to be a seriously fast trip back!

However that is not the end of the bodily functions saga.

A little way down the hill I heard a noise in the bushes and being the keen birder that I have become, I glanced across to see what sort of bird it was. Oops, there was a couple, in full view, largely unclothed and making out. Oops, nope - more than making out. They were sharing bodily functions in a big way.

I was too scared to laugh or I would have peed my pants in front of them so I continued my trot down the track. Barely made it. Ahhh the relief when I got to the supermarket and used their facilities - sitting on the loo I began to laugh, and am still chuckling hours later.

Anyway, that's why instead of the great view of Nelson city, the marina, port and boulder bank, all you have is the sun behind the monument.

Until the 1960's this was believed to be the geographical centre of New Zealand. When they re-calculated in the 60's it was found to really be somewhere in Golden Downs Forest in the Spooners Range. Well, the monument was already here, and it's one of Nelson's claims to fame so lets not bother getting technical over a mere 50 kilometres or so.