Hello

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you to complain about the unexplained absence of one of my owners. She used to be here a lot more and now she's taking 12/3 hours out of the house. It is a good job I have a second owner who is a bit more reliable.

On the subject of this absence, can I please ask, should she continue to be absent (she is called aprecious) is there any way I can trade her in for a better model? I know I am lucky to have the amazing Snotty who cares for me day after day with little appreciation, but should Snotty fail (the battery running out, for example) I might need a back up? Is part exchange available? What price could I get for a slightly soiled, used aprecious?

Many thanks,

Maud

Snotty and I were both very busy yesterday so the dog sitter came to let Maud out...in the afternoon and took her for an extra walk. In the evening when Snotty returned (it was gone 10 when I did) Maud was given the freedom of the city - well the stairs, bathroom and hallway - with an old slipper. This morning as I undertook my routine, I noticed there were doggy footprints in the bath. I think she had a nice time! She slept solidly all night.