Race You to the Ice Cream Van . . .

I can remember back in the early ‘80s working night shift with a guy called Jim Dunsmore. You had to know Jim to appreciate that as ridiculous as the stories he was telling you were, he was telling the truth, or a flavour of it anyway. I’ve not seen Jim for nearly 30 years, however I picture him sitting with his Grandchildren, retelling his incredible adventures.

Jim once said, “You never really know someone unless you live with them, have a relationship with them or work nightshift with them” and looking back all these years later, I think there’s certainly something in that. Suffice to say I got to know Jim very well as we ‘worked the nightshift together’ and I had to cover up for him arriving late and nipping away early, but he was my pal, so you did that kind of thing.

I doubt Jim will ever read this Blipfoto Journal, but if you ever do Jim, I’m going to add something to your wise words, cause I reckon you never really know someone unless you live with them, have a relationship with them, work nightshift them or walk a Kiltwalk with them. You see walking a Kiltwalk is a bit like all of the aforementioned rolled into one. The highs and lows, aches, pains, tears and laughter, yes laughter you experience with a group of people over 26 Kiltwalk miles (i.e. put up signs randomly and hope it’s close enough) forges a memorable bond as well as providing great memories.

As a solo walker last Sunday, I needed to find people to walk with, so I tracked down Margaret Gilbertson who claims “she looked me in the eye too long” after the Glasgow Kiltwalk and found herself signing up to walk in Edinburgh. I thankfully found her at the top of the Murrayfield tunnel, so now there were two.

We chatted away and both admitted we weren’t quite sure why we were in Edinburgh this early on a Sunday morning, walking 26 miles. That chat turned to concern on my behalf, as although Margaret is short in stature, she walks at a brisk pace and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep up if she kept that up.

After a few miles, I spotted my next target, the yellow and red hat with blonde pigtails being the giveaway. It was of course Aine’s Mum, Leah and I knew she could walk at a brisk pace as well, therefore if I didn’t catch hold of her on the slow Crammond section, I would never be able to walk with her. Also I knew if I found Leah, I would find Keith “the stress fracture” Wilson who unbelievably taking part in the Edinburgh Kiltwalk two weeks after suffering a stress fracture taking part in the Glasgow Kiltwalk. See these Kiltwalkers they are nutters.

So we caught up with Leah and Keith to find they were also walking with Niki Curry, Iain Meiklejohn and his daughter, Lori who was talking part in her first ever Kiltwalk.

Let’s just say those six or so miles to Crammond were a joy as we laughed at everything from the site of Niki and Margaret walking side by side, to . . . . Well actually although there were plenty of funny stories, nothing was funnier than watching that site.

We were now seven strong as we reached Crammond shore, however that was soon reduced to six as Leah put the headphones in, turned her jet packs to boost and left us for dust.

The walk through Granton, Leith and Portobello was my best part of the day as the sun shone, the Forth glistened and the sand sparkled and if it wasn’t for the clanking sound of the sporran, you’d almost forget you were Kiltwalking.

However, it was at this stretch that sadly six became two times three.

The call, or should I saw the smell of Pizza at the Cash for Kids stall was simply too much for me to resist, likewise Margaret, Iain and Lori. Therefore, we peeled off and queued for Pizza and it was worth it. By the time Margaret and I were done Iain and Lori were still queuing so we decided to ‘try’ and catch Niki and Keith who we had been out pacing up to that point. That, however, was a task we were never to complete as they clearly hit their rhythm and finished well in front of us.

At 14:00, Margaret and I reached the halfway point, which was when we realised our anticipated 16:30 finish was not going to happen without the aid of Leah jet burners, which she had not left behind.

So on we went, once again managing an acceptable pace, with me taking the lead when Margaret feigned sickness as we walked through the park. It was a despicable attempt to side line me in order to beat me to the finish line and it almost worked. You see the five minutes we spent at a standstill in the park, was just long enough for me to literally come to a standstill, as I never really fully recovered.

From this point onwards my conversation dried up, my pace slowed and the need to stop at pit stops grew and if it hadn’t been for Margaret and ‘Balloo’ my Kiltwalk could well have been over.

Margaret quite literally kept me going by giving me a look of disgust at the mere thought of giving up so on the three of us trudged, Margaret, me and Balloo.

For me this was my first non Glasgow Kiltwalk and as I was on my lonesome, it was great to walk with different people and hear all their stories. I learned quite a lot out about Margaret during our nine hours together and most of it was what I’d suspected by reading her Facebook posts. I’m not going to share any of our stories, well apart from the exploding can of very fancy carbonated juice, which got the full snort treatment, however I won’t tell you why she snorted, well not today anyway.

All you need to know is that Margaret really is a typical Kiltwalker.

“What is a typical Kiltwalker?” I hear you ask.

It’s simply a normal everyday person, with goodness in their heart, doing there small bit to make a difference, which when you multiply by all our other Kiltwalkers, turns your achievements into millions of pounds for Scotland’s Kids.

Wait a minutes, back up a bit. Who is this “Balloo” character?

Well to be honest I don’t know because I’d never met him before last Sunday and he was not much of a talker. He had a pal, who went by the name of “oon”, but Margaret didn’t like the way he kept creeping up on her, so managed to get rid of him. Whereas I quite liked Balloo, who became my safety pal. You see given everyone else had fallen by the wayside, or sprinted on ahead I feared Margaret might do the same. So when Balloo asked if he could tag along, I welcomed him with open arms.

Baloo was a comfort. Never demanding, always listening and like the moon, he was there every time I turned the corner. If you don’t know whom I’m talking about, “Balloo” is that yellow thing chasing after me in the picture above. I have to say that now Edinburgh is over, he’s feeling somewhat deflated :-(

I won’t lie, I found Edinburgh physically tough, very tough in fact. The first six miles to Crammond were slow, which meant you were 45-60 minutes behind where you’d like to have been. This meant most people then “went for it” i.e. me, only to burn out with around 8 miles to go. It was that tough, I developed what for ever more will be known as the “Kiltwalk Stammer”.

Picture the scene in your head. You are asked a question and you know the answer, which is usually no more than six to eight words if you’re a male. However when you go to speak what comes out your mouth is “Yesnns, what way did you which aftrnnn”. It’s at that point those around you simply burst out laughing, because not only do they know what you said, they’ve also been doing it.

It is the fact that through sheer exertion and exhaustion and with your mind only focused on finishing, you are unable to convert the words in your head into a constructive, cohereant sentence and it just comes out as a rabble, or Kiltwalk Stammer. The best bit is, if you try and repeat what you’ve just said, it gets worse.

Surprisingly, I awoke on Monday morning to feel in much better shape than I anticipated. Sadly though I was still gutted from the day before because despite the success of completing it. I missed out on three things.

I had a quick chat with my Clash mate, Sam, however she was using the “cider” recovery method and was pretty well through her course of treatment by the time I met her. All of which meant I didn’t get the chance to share my latest Clashwalk song to the tune of “I Fought the Law” which I’d been composing as I walked and went something like this.

We’re walking miles in the hot sun
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won [x2]
Oor charities need money cause they have none
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won [x2]

There lots o’ babies that feel so bad
Guess our walking ain’t done
26miles, some think we’re mad
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won

Collecting money while we’re having fun
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won [x2]
We lost our toenails as we walked in the sun
We walked the Kiltwalk and we won [x2]

The second thing I was gutted about was watching Iain and Lori cross the finish line. Lori found her first Kiltwalk slow and extremely painful, but she did it and now she’s a Kiltwalker, which can never be taken away from her. I missed her as I had nipped to the merchandise stall to help out and let’s just say my “spotters” failed to spot and I only found out they’d crossed ten minutes after it was all over. Well done Lori, that was a great achievement and hope to see you at a Kiltwalk sometime soon.

Finally, I’m totally gutted that I missed Fat Boabs Ice Cream van, who by all accounts, was giving out the most fantastic ice cream.

The most gutting thing is that it’s my own fault I missed him. I saw the van parked up about a mile or so from the end. However, my mind said, “don’t go right and walk pass that ice cream van. Go left and save a few measly steps and you’ll finish quicker!”

Talk about gutted.

Today’s Blipfoto, which I admit is a bit of a ramble, was going to be called “Another picture that doesn't paint a 1,000 words” because quite frankly I have no idea how Margaret and I managed to raise a smile, never mind break out into a run in those last few yards. Therefore, the picture doesn’t paint a 1,000 words at all. Which is why I’m nicking Margaret’s Facebook post from yesterday when she said “we weren’t cheating, we were only running for the Ice Cream van”. If only.

Aine, Keith, Iain, Niki see you same time, different place in Aberdeen. I’m bringing Holly and Scott to boost the numbers and looking forward to it.