What's it gonna be?

Choice. Conundrum. One wish from the Genie.


Enormous penis or racing a Porsche round a track for a living?

At the BTCC today. Lots of boys with hairy teeth in shellsuits, orange girls, hubby/wife duos in his and hers "racing coats" and some serious corporate tagging.

I swear the circuit commentator was Alan Partridge. It is beyond uncanny. Please listen to this (I had to record him) it really is quite extraordinary and, wait for it, his name was Alan!
At one point a guy cut in on his chat (like Dave Clifton from "I'm Alan Partridge") and said "Sorry Alan, I need to interupt...." "No you're not. You're not sorry". There were other moments too and it really brightened up events between races and time trials.


The wee bucket man sat in the front seat (with booster of course, officer) on the way back over the bridge tonight. Said he could see the Rail Bridge in the dark to his left cos he'd been eating his carrots. He told me the toilets in his school stink of pooh pooh. I poo pooed this notion stating that he's only 3 and has never set foot in his future school so couldn't possibly know this. I didn't tell him that, in fact, he was right. They always stank of that when I was at school too. At least he won't have to wipe his erse with tracing paper.


Why aren't parking cones called "no-parking cones"?