Steamy Leisure Inc quarterly strategy away day
Lefty - Right, moving along gentlemen. Item number 7. Come on Geezer, wake up. As you know, accreditation to the international service quality standard ISO 25002 requires evidence of customer satisfaction. Now, we could, as Geezer so wittily suggested, just keep the tissues (Geezer sniggers) but not for a year. We've not got the storage for one thing. Now, customer satisfaction is obviously the name of the game here. Nobody likes satisfying customers more than me. Well, not literally. But we've got to get this business into the 20th century and in a competitive marketplace where businesses compete for customers, customer satisfaction is a key differentiator and increasingly a key element of business strategy.
Baldy - L, you know I don't want to come across as cynical or nothing but isn't it pretty obvious if a punter's satisfied? I mean, he leaves with a smile on his face doesn't he?
Lefty - But Baldy what matters these days is whether he has the right smile on his face and how long he keeps smiling. Look, I saw a punter come out of London Street the other day grinning like the Cheshire cat. He's going my way so I follows him and fuck me if he isn't still smiling by the time he gets to Tesco. Now, what I want to know is, how long are our punters smiling for?
Baldy - And L, it says here that implementing a customer relationship management strategy is critical to developing the loyalty of customers and other stakeholders in the expectation that corporate objectives will be met or surpassed ... but we've always warned the girls off having relationships with punters. You know how things gets confused.
Lefty - It don't mean that shithead. It means that we've got to understand the customer journey. Be standing beside them at that decisive moment of service delivery when product and service features coalesce into a coherent value proposition. Metaphorically speaking of course. We won't actually stand beside them watching. We got cameras for that.
Baldy - And Lefty, I'm really not sure about question 17 on page 6 of this survey - "thinking now about your most recent happy ending. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the intensity and duration of your ecstasy?" I mean, calling it a 'happy ending' presumes what the survey's intended to measure. And wouldn't you say asking about duration and intensity conflates two separate dimensions of ecstasy?
Lefty - Yeah, you got a point there.