That her face, at first just ghostly,

I don't know whether I've mentioned it before, but I've met The Queen.

On the morning, of the day I was meeting her, I was being very careful in my preparations. I wanted to be relaxed, well coifed, sweet smelling and calm.

I ran a lovely bath, with loads of bubbles. I poured myself a glass of milk, got my book, and headed up for an hour long soak in the warm water.

Once I had finished my reading, and washed my bits, I dunked my hair in the bath, and decided to wash it through with the shower hose, which was attached to the taps.

As I sprayed my head with the hose, I noticed a little black thread poking out of one of the spray holes. I nipped it with my finger, brushed it away, and let it float in the bath.

I continued spraying, and looked at the shower head again, ANOTHER black thread. I poked it again, and let the thread drop in the bath. As I sat there, enjoying the water, pouring over my head, my eye was drawn to the inch long thread I had already dropped in the bath... I caught it in an handful of water and let the water drain away.... and looked at it closely.

Only on examination did I see the little hairs, the little bend three quarters of the way down. Only then, did my head kick into gear, and say. "It's a BLOODY LEG". Horrified I dropped it quickly in the water, and brought the shower head to my face again - there in front of me was another bloody leg poking out, and I swear, I swear it was bloody waving.

I yowled, I threw the shower head away, I pushed myself back up the bath, to escape from the horror which was trying to escape from the shower head. I flung my arms out - I hit the pint glass of milk into the bath. The tidal wave I caused by pushing myself back flooded all over the bathroom, and the shower spray, still on, was spraying gaily all over the sink and walls.

Screaming, I jumped naked from the bath, dripping in both water and milk, slid on the water and landed on my butt. Twisted round and managed to switch off the water, pull out the plug and shake the remains of the spider down the shower hose into the emptying bath.

I sat on the floor and thought. Mmm, not going to be at my best for Liz!