On the right path

Yesterday I found myself at Powell's Book Store twice, absolutely happy and in my element, but today I wanted cool forest air and a long walk. On my way back home the afternoon sun spilled golden across the path, and I thought about a life-defining moment.

It was 1992. I was the head of the Theatre Department at Smith College, but I had submitted my resignation and was on my way to Africa as a Fulbright Scholar. It wasn't necessary to resign from my job in order to accept the Fulbright; most people just took a year's leave for a Fulbright and returned to their posts. Having won a Fulbright led to promotion and job stability. But I wanted to cut myself free. I knew I didn't want to come back to a life as a professor in the Ivy League. Most of my friends thought I was making a mistake. My students begged me to stay. I was having trepidations.

Just a few weeks before the end of the school year, I invited the brilliant choreographer Bill T. Jones to address my students. During the question period after his talk, one of the students asked, "How do you know if you're on the right path?"

Jones laughed gently and answered with certainty, "When I'm absolutely honest with everyone I meet, my path is clear."

I knew he was right. I knew that whenever I lie, even just a little, even to spare someone's feelings or to be kind, to please someone or to fit in, I drift away from my path; I lose sight of what I'm here for. Some part of me believes the lie and tries to make it true, and I begin to trip over my own feet. I lose the way. I had been restless at Smith from the very beginning. I wanted to go. So I stood strong in that truth. Seven years later I knew it was time to return to the USA. And in 2008, to retire. I find the path by being absolutely truthful, all the time. I have been thankful all these years to Bill T. Jones for putting it so simply and clearly.