Clouds.

The weather is beautiful today. I hate this time of year because I never have anywhere to go when the weather's nice, I just sit at home and read. But I still enjoy the warmth and the hint of Summer in the air.

I've given up. There's no point at all of me carrying on in life, I've messed everything up, just like I said I would. Unintentionally, though. Last night it was made apparent that I just can't help but ruin people's lives and cause people so much pain, so much so that no one wants to be around me anymore. My Mum walked into my room last night and reduced me to tears, she started screaming at me that I'm going to fail in life and that I'm a major disappointment, and a burden. And it's true, I can't hate her for it because every word she said to me was true. I thought she was beginning to understand. So if my own mother and those closest to me think I'm worthless and useless, then what have I even got to live for?

I was talking to my friend Grace last night, and I told her everything. Every little thing that has upset me recently, I told her about, and it was terrifying. I had to face reality, I had to realise that I'm totally alone in this world. I went for a walk earlier just to reflect on everything - and I literally have nothing to live for. And it's my fault, for ruining my chance of ever having anyone or anything. I'm so stupid, pathetic and useless. I'm going to be alone and fail in life, so what the bloody hell is the point in carrying on? I've had enough of this world, I wish I could join George and John right now and have nothing to worry about. I look forward to that day, it couldn't come quick enough.